Don't squat with
yer spurs on.
You might give some
serious thought to thankin' yer lucky stars yer in Texas.
Never follow good
whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
Cowboys dance every
dance as long as their bladders and feet hold out.
Genius has its limits.
Stupidity knows no bounds.
A smile from a good
woman is worth more'n a dozen handed out by a bartender.
cowboys don't line dance.
There is a fine line
between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
Ridin a bronc is
like dancin with a girl. The trick is matchin yer partner's rhythm.
Cowboy dress is determined
by three factors: weather, work, and vanity.
Reciting poetry is
like a haircut. If it's good, ya feel like a million bucks. If it's bad, ya hide yer head under yer hat.
A bronc rider should
be light in the head and heavy in the seat.
It takes a big man
to cry... but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Don't interfere with
something that ain't botherin' ya none.
Some men talk 'cause
they got somethin' to say. Others talk 'cause they got to say somethin.
Never wrestle with
a pig, You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Careful is a naked
man climbin' a bobwire fence.
If you can't sing
Broke is what happens
when a cowboy lets his yearnin's get ahead of his earnin's.
Bein' too positive
in your opinions kin get you invited to a dance -- in the street, to the music of shots, nicely aimed.
It takes fewer muscles
to smile than to frown... and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
Timing has a lot
to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
Never trust a man
who agrees with you. He's probably wrong.
The easiest way to
eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
If you find yourself
in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop diggin'.
Ride the horse in
the direction it's goin.
If it don't seem
like it's worth the effort, then it probably ain't.
An old timer's a
man who's had a lot of interesting experiences -- some of 'em true.
There's two theories
to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
It don't take no
genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
The biggest troublemaker
you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
Never ask a barber
if ya need a haircut.
Never slap a man
who's chewin' tobacco.
Never kick a cow
chip on a hot day.
If ya git ta thinkin'
yer a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Tellin' a man to
git lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.
Don't worry about
bitin' off more'n you kin chew; your mouth is probably bigger'n you think.
Always drink upstream
from the herd.
Startin' a rumour
is like shakin' the feathers out of a pillow case in a wind storm. It's a heck of a lot easier to git rid of 'em than
it is to collect 'em back.
If you're ridin'
ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
Never ask a man the
size of his spread.
If you come to a
fork in the road, take it.
Good judgement comes
from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgement.
When you give a personal
lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
Generally, you ain't
learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.
When yer throwin'
your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
Lettin' the cat out
of the bag is a helluva lot easier than puttin' it back in.
Always take a good
look at what yer about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's sure crucial to know what it was.
The quickest way
to double yer money is to fold it over and put it back in yer pocket.
After eatin an entire
bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.... The
moral: When you're full of bull, keep yer mouth shut.
There are three kinds
of men, The one that learns by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric
fence for themselves.
Never drop your gun
to hug a grizzly.
A good horse never
comes in a bad color.
Any cowboy can carry
a tune. The trouble comes when he tries to unload it.
Behind every successful
rancher is a wife who works in town.
You can't hide a
piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Never hold a dustbuster
and a cat at the same time.
You can't trust your
dog to watch your food.
Never approach a
bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.
a good chance to shut up.