COWMEN SAY IT SALTY.
to scratch his ear with his elbow or
hoss throwed him forked-end up or
don't wear 'nough clothes to dust a fiddle or
is that you, ma" said the little porcupine as he backed into a cactus.
HOW HOT IS TEXAS?
than the hubs of hell.
a burned boot.
was hotter than hell with the blower on.
enough to wither a fence post.
too me two hours to blow a cup of coffee cool.
hot and dry a grass-widder wouldn't take root.
had to feed the chickens cracked ice to keep 'em from layin' hard-boiled eggs.
as midnight under a skillet
dark even the bats stayed home
dark yuh couldn't find yore nose with both hands
as the insides of a black bear
damn dark yuh could feel it
LOT OF MONEY
got 'nough money to burn a wet mule
carries a roll as big as a wagon hub
'nough money to be called mister
more money than he could keep dry
roll big 'nough to choke a cow
lived in the desert so long I knowed all the lizzards by their front names..
homestead stuff is easy as throwin a two-day old calf. I thaught it'd be like
tryin to tie down a bobcat with a piece of string.
I better quit spittin on the handle an get back to work..
every successul Cowboy there is a wife with a good job in town
Broke is what happens when a cowboy’s yearnin get bigger than his earnins
Texans go down to Mexico one night and
get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember
what they have done. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am
from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They
throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and they let him go. The second one
is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power
of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the
law is on this guy's side and let him go. The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer,
and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."
SOME COWBOY INSULTS
family tree was a shrub.
didn't have nuthin' under his hat but hair.
brain cavity wouldn't make a drinkin' cup for a canary bird.
so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.
was so ugly he had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.
was so lazy, molasses wouldn't run down his legs.
He was ugly as a burnt boot.