If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask me.

Don't cut your hair. Ever.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, I'm not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask me what I'm thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, shotgun
shells and saddle soap.

Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's
just like every other cat.(Yeah you, Cat lady!)
Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

Shopping is not sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.