Don't squat with yer spurs on.

You might give some serious thought to thankin' yer lucky stars yer in Texas.

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey. 

Cowboys dance every dance as long as their bladders and feet hold out.

Genius has its limits. Stupidity knows no bounds. 

A smile from a good woman is worth more'n a dozen handed out by a bartender.

Real cowboys don't line dance.

There is a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. 

Ridin a bronc is like dancin with a girl.  The trick is matchin yer partner's rhythm.

Cowboy dress is determined by three factors: weather, work, and vanity.

Reciting poetry is like a haircut.  If it's good, ya feel like a million bucks.  If it's bad, ya hide yer head under yer hat.

A bronc rider should be light in the head and heavy in the seat. 

It takes a big man to cry... but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. 

Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' ya none.

Some men talk 'cause they got somethin' to say.  Others talk 'cause they got to say somethin.

Never wrestle with a pig, You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

Careful is a naked man climbin' a bobwire fence.

If you can't sing -- dance.

Broke is what happens when a cowboy lets his yearnin's get ahead of his earnin's.

Bein' too positive in your opinions kin get you invited to a dance -- in the street, to the music of shots, nicely aimed.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown... and fewer still to ignore someone completely. 

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Never trust a man who agrees with you. He's probably wrong.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.  The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop diggin'.

Ride the horse in the direction it's goin.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, then it probably ain't.

An old timer's a man who's had a lot of interesting experiences -- some of 'em true.

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman.  Neither one works.

It don't take no genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

Never ask a barber if ya need a haircut.

Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

If ya git ta thinkin' yer a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you kin chew; your mouth is probably bigger'n you think.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Startin' a rumour is like shakin' the feathers out of a pillow case in a wind storm.  It's a heck of a lot easier to git rid of 'em than it is to collect 'em back.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.

Never ask a man the size of his spread.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Good judgement comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgement.

When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.

When yer throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a helluva lot easier than puttin' it back in.

Always take a good look at what yer about to eat.  It's not so important to know what it is, but it's sure crucial to know what it was.

The quickest way to double yer money is to fold it over and put it back in yer pocket.

After eatin an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep yer mouth shut.

There are three kinds of men, The one that learns by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

A good horse never comes in a bad color.

Any cowboy can carry a tune.  The trouble comes when he tries to unload it.

Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

You can't trust your dog to watch your food.

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.