COWMEN SAY IT SALTY.

Tryin' to scratch his ear with his elbow  or

His hoss throwed him forked-end up  or

She don't wear 'nough clothes to dust a fiddle  or

"Oh is that you, ma" said the little porcupine as he backed into a cactus.

HOW HOT IS TEXAS?

Hotter than the hubs of hell.

Hotter.n a burned boot.

It was hotter than hell with the blower on.

Hot enough to wither a fence post.

It too me two hours to blow a cup of coffee cool.

So hot and dry a grass-widder wouldn't take root.

We had to feed the chickens cracked ice to keep 'em from layin' hard-boiled eggs.

Dark

Dark as midnight under a skillet

So dark even the bats stayed home

So dark yuh couldn't find yore nose with both hands

Dark as the insides of a black bear

So damn dark yuh could feel it

LOT OF MONEY

He's got 'nough money to burn a wet mule

He carries a roll as big as a wagon hub

Got 'nough money to be called mister

Had more money than he could keep dry

A roll big 'nough to choke a cow

WISDOMS:

I've lived in the desert so long I knowed all the lizzards by their front names..

This homestead stuff is easy as throwin a two-day  old calf. I thaught it'd be like tryin to tie down a bobcat with a piece of string.

Well I better quit spittin on the handle an get back to work..

Behind every successul Cowboy there is a wife with a good job in town

Broke is what happens when a cowboy’s yearnin get bigger than his earnins

Three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and they let him go. The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side and let him go. The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."

SOME COWBOY INSULTS

His family tree was a shrub.

He didn't have nuthin' under his hat but hair.

His brain cavity wouldn't make a drinkin' cup for a canary bird.

She's so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.

He was so ugly he had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.

He was so lazy, molasses wouldn't run down his legs.

He was ugly as a burnt boot.